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 Fragments Of A Reincarnated Diary

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Messages : 17
Date d'inscription : 16/09/2011
Age : 27
Localisation : Tyre - Lebanon

MessageSujet: Fragments Of A Reincarnated Diary   Mar 20 Sep - 2:02

Title: Fragments Of A Reincarnated Diary
Date: 14-2-2011

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December 20th, 2011
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If I could only return to that promising womb, things would have drastically changed, people tend to believe their feelings but what if you refuse them? What if your emotions were masked by constant delusions, by a waving nostalgia? Would you then accept them? It's pretty raining and I like that, I consider the sun to be the enemy of my desires.

I always felt different, I constantly imagine life as a play, people are the main actors and society is the director, why do they act anyway? When you say no to your society, the consequences are intolerable, now whatever would happen in my life, I taught myself to be protected by that bizarre dream of being reincarnated!

Let's ignore my identity for a second, as an identity was never as important as a behavior, when you're burried alive just after your mother gives your birth, you start to think, why in the world did I arrive to such bleak constant state of chaos? Why Earth? Why mankind? Maybe I should kill the man to find some answers, maybe... But afterall, what kid would engage in an exhausting and almost impossible mission like that? As the man is an ever-growing evil.


December 21th, 2011
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Another dismal dawn paints through the window of a broken imagination, I never knew that it would be my last day as me, as myself. I was once a quite spiritual person, yet even your belief is affected by how gloomy your life may become, I once ran away from the weight of my community but I guess you could never escape from human species, emptiness is what I keep drowning in. I haven't slept yet, counting the seconds till my usual misanthropic twilight shines on. I am like a cold desolated mourning flesh that burns like an isolated winter ash... Could it be another dawn tempting desire or a cursed vision of twilight fire? As I wake up from my innocent spun, I hear my father ordering me to execute my sleepless spirit and throw my angst fragments in the bin, as if I've committed a fatal sin...

After a few hours, I started to smash almost everything in the house, I scared my little brother, I couldn't stop my erratic behavior anyway, my father's attempt to calm me down failed so he called the police, pause your life and think with me: if your rebellion seemed endless, if you even obsessed about breaking the bones of your own family, would you then stop? Impulsively no. I accidentally harmed the policeman, sending him straight to the ER, I was then arrested with a cold bloody temper!

I remember back in my childhood being emotionally abused and bullied to a point where my ego faded to a void! I lost my self-esteem, my values, my faith, my dreams, my hope and even my identity!

It was another raining day, I was unexpectedly hopeful.


December 28th, 2011
---------------------------

Charged with an attempt to murder, which wasn't truly my intention, I was sent to the state prison for 3 brutal years.

Now if happiness was never felt in your short 20 years life, what would you then expect from yourself in that dark cell? During my first night, despair slowly invaded my senses, coldly crawled over my body, painfully injected me with a deadly poison, oh how I remember that tasty poison! The next morning, I was found hanged to that haunted ceiling, I've killed myself, I've committed suicide.


? ?th, 1850
--------------

[...]


? ?th, 2190
--------------

[...]


Years Of Illness
--------------------

With a thought of desperation,
I must search for the salvation...

Inner chaos of emotions,
Tending to fight like dead motions...

Why living to breathe?
And not breathing to live?

Not willing to survive anymore,
But wishing to feel it more...

In need for a calm mentality?
Suicide shall not be the destiny...


December 30th, 2021 ?
-----------------------------

An enchanted whispering voice is calling me: wake up, unleash your willing entity!

I opened my eyes in a depersonalized state, it was a quite cloudy morning, yet I had no clue who or where am I! I start to hear a young woman speaking an unfamiliar language when she suddenly appears at the door, I wanted to say "Good morning" but even my own language sounded strange.

After that, I immediately took a look at the mirror and then it was the scream that I'll always remember, everyone entered my room, but who's everyone? A woman, a man, a girl and a boy.

I was looking like a 10 years old boy, now this was enough for me to understand that I was reincarnated! If my former life could forgive my sin, I'd abandon my fake glory, my dismal entity. Mesmerizing river, falling rain, unknown kin, shall I finally kneel for a lost identity?

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// A better tomorrow is always the struggle of today's sorrow
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